Why I can't edit my work
I can relate to what you say about edited content being hard around the edges. Often I have deep thoughts, but I'm scared to put them on paper as they are. And then they vanish!
That said my first draft is unreadable to anyone but me :)
One thing I admire and love about your writing is your authenticity.
What a fantastic, vulnerable self-reflection this is. Seriously great work taking this social and personal risk.
Very relatable, Natasha! Most times I find what I am trying to say at the very end of writing. Whatever piece I’m working on comes through at first as seemingly detached associations, which in retrospect are not detached at all. To edit while writing is to control the process and control the result and what I write through logic is nothing compared to what I write from the unconscious, free flowing, groupings of associations that miraculously all fit together in the end. Of course, I edit at the end to trim the fat and rearrange and fill in the gaps. But all that happened way after <3