The Misfit and the Absurd

Week 13: Expermenting with Absurdism

You’re a misfit.

I’m sorry to do this straight out the gate, but how does that make you feel?

Accepting? Snarky? Irritated? Sad?

If it’s a negative emotion, I suggest you go back through the past 12 weeks of this series. We’re about to enter a new phase of the project, and to continue you need to recognize the Absurd within yourself.

The world has no meaning, and so we must create our own.

After finding traces of the Absurd in film, in the dark, in certain attributes, in reality TV in science, the final boss is our reflection. We've opened our minds to how bizarre and beautiful the world might be, and if you’ve started to assemble a picture, you might already have seen the Absurd in yourself. Once you do, you’ll understand why you’ve always felt like a misfit, and why you're in good company.

If you’ve already read the past 12 weeks, and you’re still having a hard time with this, I get it. When I started this project (both times) I had no idea what I was doing, or why I felt so compelled to do it. Leave a comment explaining your feelings so I can help you work through them, or try reading the The Myth of Sisyphus. This entire project is focused around writing a book that will help, so your comments will help more than just you and I.

If you’re new here, let me know what brought you in, and what you hope to gain from reading this. I’m just asking you to leave a damn comment, regardless. It helps the project, and it helps us get to know each other and build community.

If you’re in good spirits about being called a misfit, read on.

I wrote this for you.

Dear Misfit,

Maybe I don’t know you, but I see you out there. I see you in the specific person that I wrote this for. She’s so unique. She marries pain and pleasure, beauty and oddity, intellect and goofiness… she makes me feel lucky to bear witness to the world, I see her colors reflected in everything when I’m near her. Every single time I come into contact with her she makes me feel. Her words beam towards me and I catch them, maybe even as she intends for them to be caught. She’s an artist, and a muse, like the best artists are. So you, my dear misfit, have the rare opportunity, like her, to be both a prism and a mirror, refracting and reflecting light.

In all that refracting and reflecting, you might feel that nothing fits, or nothing stays, and you’re right. The world is dynamic, but so are you. You’re constantly changing, reacting, integrating. You match the energy of what you see, so how could you ever be static?

Sometimes you really want to be static, though. To cuddle up and be still. But you’re choosy about where you settle in - even though you know it’s only a resting spot - it has to be right. You can’t sit down where the vibes are off. Even in a good spot, after awhile you start to feel like you don’t belong there. You never feel like you fit perfectly into anything, but in that way, you fit a little bit everywhere. You may not know it, but you’re more at home in the world than people. On the rare occasion when you feel out of place, you know something is very wrong. You soon discover that the “something wrong” is within you - a misalignment of values and actions, but the scared, fragile part of you sometimes wants to blame the rest of the world. If you’re feeling out of place, those of us who accept our Misfit label feel for you, because we’ve been there. You’re never out of place with us. We know you’ll figure out how to get home - just keep going to get to stillness.

Even at your lowest, you’re still so cool to me, misfit friend. You couldn't be uncool. Your actions and appearance are a product of a kaleidoscopic inner world, that is too often overlooked - and you’re sensitive about it. Understandably! Like Badu said, you’re an artist, and you’re sensitive about your shit. That’s one of the best parts about you. You embrace the lows, the sorrows, the tragedies because you know the abundance that grows from that place. When people can’t stop watching you it’s because the way you handle these waves is…so fucking cool.

I’m sorry that I see you, Misfit, I know you hate to be perceived at times, even by yourself, but honey: you’re a joy to perceive. You’re an inspiration. I’m sorry, but you are. It’s ok to enjoy that! It’s ok that you sometimes reject the label “misfit”. You don’t need to acknowledge how the world sees you. A lot of times you need to forget yourself and just be. Your distaste for being perceived comes from too many interactions with the people who you’re most unlike: the ones who refuse their misfittedness. I’m this person sometimes too, we all are, but it’s only human to want to see yourself in others. So give us perceivers of you some grace, please. There’s a difference fine line between being awe-inspired and unnerved. Those that you unnerve have a desperate need to solve enigmas. What they see in you is what they fear in themselves. So, you keep evolving to shake them off, and don’t worry about those of us who see you with love in our eyes.

You’re a walking contradiction, but it doesn’t bother you -most of the time. You can live in ambiguity, and you do your best work in times of uncertainty. It’s when things seemed the most fucked up that beauty snuck up on you and flooded your eyes with good tears. You’ve found new things in old places, and learned how to reject norms, while still creating your own. Bittersweet, you want to be understood, but not entirely, and that’s great because it means you understand reality. We can’t know anything fully - even whether or not we can know anything full! You balance ideals and action, independence and collectiveness, restlessness and contentedness. You come dangerously close to the edge, but never fall off.

You’re amazing. You’re Absurd. And you’re ready to move forward.

I barely need to tell you what comes next, but we both love that gentle reminder:

You’re free to live how you see fit.

Thanks for sharing yourself with me. I’m so excited to see what’s next for us.